I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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