well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
