i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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