i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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