I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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