hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
