Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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