we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had to cum in my sink.
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