i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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