FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
