just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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