Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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