I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so let's talk penis.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
