It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
