Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
