Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
