She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
