Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
