We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
