you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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