But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
