pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
