I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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