you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
