if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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