Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
