I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
