I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
