Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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