i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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