I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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