is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
