I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
