my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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