i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
