I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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