Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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