you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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