The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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