woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
