you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
