Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
