In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
