We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
