Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bring me that man meat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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