just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
