DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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