was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
