the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
