I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
