Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
