What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
